Unfuck Yourself Summary
Intro
This is a summary of the book “Unfuck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life”, Author highlights the impact of thoughts we have in our head, how we talk to ourselves, having thousands of thoughts per day we actually talk to our selves more than we talk with others.
The quality of thoughts we have with ourselves is directly proportional to the quality of life we are having. through the book he tries certain approaches to boost our mood, help us be more productive, and have a happier high-quality life.
Throughout the book, the author encourages us to consider the following personal assertions
I am willing
A challenging question to ask yourself is, “Am I willing?”, IMO the author chose a very profound question, a question to shake all excuses we tell ourselves, questioning something solid that all our actions are motivated by, the power of will.
Own your shit, and be aware of excuses you tell yourself, “I am willing to do this or that but..”, if you really want to do it you would have found a way. and if you find out you are not willing, spare yourself the guilt feeling.
Ask yourself if are you willing or unwilling to put up with your current job, relationship, health, or whatever. be honest with yourself. and more importantly are you willing to put in the work necessary to reach that goal?
Answering the question gives you clarity for what is important and what is not, you may discover new goals you are willing to work for or discover some goals are not as important as you thought they were, either way, it is good to know what you want in life.
Examples:
- I am willing to work 60 hrs/week for a better car.
- I am unwilling to do 30 minutes of exercise a day to have six packs and that's okay.
I am wired to win
Your brain is wired to prove what you already believe about yourself. Be mindful of the internal dialogue you have with yourself, stay positive, and learn from past failures. If you believe you are not worthy or you are lazy, that will only result in actions that will lead to failed relationships or procrastination and slow progress on your work. The author highlights the importance of setting a positive mindset when setting goals, with planning and taking the right steps and visualizing meeting your goals, your brain is wired to win and help you achieve what you believe.
I got this
Problems will happen, life is full of misfortunes, you will just need to deal with them. We tend to exaggerate our problems into miseries when we are in the middle of them, we just need to take a step back, zoom out on our life, and put things in perspective.
Be pragmatic, don’t let problems at one part of your life affect other parts, solve each problem independently and move on.
I embrace the uncertainty
We seek the certain and avoid the uncertain, Why?
Humans love predictability, we want to know what will happen next, it’s part of our survival instinct to fear the unknowns, despite having the “take the risk” or “escape your comfort zone” mantras becoming very popular among our generation, most of us actually prefer the certain world.
Uncertainty is where things happen. Risk aversion can keep you safe but it also will limit your full potential, life is so random and a lot of things can happen if you believe it can happen.
What is the worst thing that can happen if you ask for a raise at work, your boss probably won’t kill you, right? or asking a girl you like out, what if she said no, not the end of the world. After all most extraordinary things that can happen to you won’t happen if you hold to certain and comfort.
In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. — Theodore Roosevelt
Certainty is a complete illusion, our minds can get used to a pattern or usual routine and always expect the sun to rise in the morning, or the certainty of getting a guaranteed paycheck every month, but is that 100% certain? it is actually not, nothing is certain.
You can go to sleep and never wake up, or you can get in your car and never make it to work, it’s true, life is unpredictable. The only thing we are sure about life is that is uncertain.
Staying in comfort is not comfortable, there is always a nagging feeling that you can be doing more, there is always the Fear of Missing Out and even your comfort zone is not that comfortable after some time.
Successful people know exactly this, they know nothing is certain, and they accept it and embrace it. all the things you wish for and aspire to become, and all the opportunities that can unlock your potential are all in the uncertain world of possibilities.
Explore new areas
Start with simple things, take a different route to work, eat at new places, meet new people, or do any different thing that is something uncomfortable you want to try. Use that mindset in hunting opportunities in your career and relationships, and take that advantage to grow and enjoy the adventure that is life.
I am not my thoughts, I am what I do
What you think about and what you do doesn’t always have to align. you are not your thoughts, your actions.
Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind. — Theodore Roosevelt
The thing about the greatest performers it they manage to act regardless of their thoughts, they too can have self-doubting thoughts, feel they want to procrastinate, or feel it is not their day, but they simply focus and do what needs to be done and get it done, no bullshit, they just act.
It is difficult or impossible to control your thoughts, you will often experience feelings of lack of competence, self-doubt, not belonging, unworthiness, or being judged by others, all of this while doing your job, having to pay your bills, or doing a specific task that needs to be done.
what you should do is just act as if it is your day, fake it till you make it as they say, be aware of your thoughts, and just not let them affect your performance and everyday life.
Inspiration or motivation can help you gain performance momentum, but the thing about them is they are not reliable. motivation depends on your feelings and thoughts, some days you will have them on your side, and other days you will not, so don’t rely on them.
We become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, and brave by performing brave actions. — Aristotle
You change your life by doing, not by thinking about doing. and eventually if you keep doing in consist way your thoughts will change accordingly.
How Doing changes your Thinking?
- Doing get you doing what you need to do
- Doing is the quickest way to change your thoughts.
Thoughts and feelings do not always work in your best interest, if you always attack the task at hand, what you will think next time you have something important to do? it will become intuitive to just do regardless of negative thoughts time after time after time.
When you focus on a task or a practice, you find yourself immersed, your subconscious thoughts and internal chatter start to get quieter.
A piece of advice from the author is to start applying this today, for whatever task you have that might be affected by your internal thoughts, Just move on, and act in a way that is in your best interest, not depending on how you think and feel.
Fuck how you feel, Act anyway, and do what is best for yourself financially, in relationships, career, or in any aspect of your life.
If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. — Dale Carnegie
I am relentless
Think about your biggest achievements. think about how you reached that goal, it was not easy, was it? The biggest achievements and success stories are full of discomfort, pain, and difficulty.
Great success is so rare because most people don’t like being uncomfortable.
The key to relentlessness is to focus on one obstacle at a time, take care of it, and move on to the next problem. accept the unknowns, you might have to run a marathon in the fog without knowing how far the finish line is, just keep going.
IMO something very important to be relentless is to remind yourself of your willingness to reach that goal, you wanted this thing, and you will do whatever it takes to reach it.
I expect nothing And accept everything
Unmet expectations can cause upset in marriage. the same thing during starting a new business any unplanned problem can lead to doubts, stress, and uncomfortable feelings, author argues that the problem is expectations themselves, the problems are the collection of all expectations you have in your life. When life does not meet your expectations you are left with disappointments.
The bigger the gap between “how things are” and “how things should be”, the worse you would feel.
Let go of your expectations, take things as they happen, and be more flexible, you need to pivot, life changes all the time, and you will need to adapt. Life is a dance not a march.
Expect nothing and live in reality, live in the moment, and do what is best for you in the current situation regardless of expectations.
Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy.”― Epictetus
This does not mean you should be submissive and not plan anything, but this is about being flexible and accepting reality and dealing with the current situation, if your expectations are met then we celebrate, if not then you need to accept what happens and recalibrate.
Thanks for reading ❤️